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Manipulative Victimhood

Updated: Aug 30, 2022

What happens when we use our victim identity to manipulate others?


This is the question I explored for this month’s bonus — this post is less of me providing answers and more of me exploring and interrogating a discussion, alongside side you. In all ways, I believe victims. As a victim, myself, I know how important it is to be affirmed and supported without hesitation or question. And (not but) I have been on the receiving end of someone weaponizing their victimhood status.

Further, I have watched people use guilt, obligation, pity, and (perceived) powerlessness to manipulate others in a way that allows them to evade responsibility or accountability. I mean, how do you productively respond to someone who says, “I’m such a fuck up, it’s all my fault. BLAME ME FOR EVERYTHING.” That leaves no room for you to express yourself, be heard or take accountability for any of your actions. And it leaves no room for them to be accountable for what they actually are responsible for (because pretending to hold responsibility for everything distracts from the actual harm).

We have so few tools for handling conflict, harm and abuse — this topics needs to be handled with care and needs to be prioritized as we move towards building safer communities. Take a listen and let me know what your thoughts are. Has someone in your life ever positioned themselves as the victim in a way that was harmful?

Let’s continue the conversation.


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